


She's the first one that I see, And I don't know why I don't know who she is

by RavenSnowStar94



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Car Accidents, F/M, Memory Loss, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSnowStar94/pseuds/RavenSnowStar94
Summary: Jaime Lannister suffered an accident that left his memories confused. When he goes back to King's Landing he learns that he forgot things that mattered the most.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Podrick Payne/Sansa Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

_ Lives for the memory  
A woman who's just in his head   
And she sleeps in his bed   
While he plays pretend _

It's been almost six years that he last saw the tower of the Red Keep center. Jaime wondered how much the city had changed during his absence.

After the car crash his family transferred him to Castlerock without a second thought. There are some things that still bug him from that decision. Even after his sister and father told him there was nothing important that he forgot, he felt like something was taken from him. Something vital. Not only his memories were shattered and muddled from the last two years before the accident but he went through nasty surgeries that made him incapable of even walking from some time. That was not only due to the extend injury on his back but, he guessed, by the depression he found himself into it.

The first years after the accident was filled with nightmares, pain and anger. His father even called Jaime's younger brother, Tyrion, to talk with him. Jaime always adored his little brother and his company helped him have the comfort his father and sister weren't giving. They loved Jaime but were distant and cold.

He needed warm.

And Tyrion gave to him. With his snarky comments and tales of his fascinating work as a P.I., which meant he got to stalk people and find out their dirty little secrets. Jaime once asked why Tyrion did what he does, and his brother answered that he liked to give closure to people. Even if it brought pain most of the time, it was always the best.

Tyrion invited Jaime to spend some time at his house back in King's Landing, he accepted even with his sister's anger and his father refusal to accept that he was moving out.

He went nevertheless.

Jaime missed the sun, the smell of the ocean and the overall atmosphere of the place. During the whole drive Tyrion had a smirk on his face, which made Jaime crazy with curiosity.

"You do know that you spent four days away from your house, right? Why are you so strange?"

"Oh, nothing old brother. I'm just thinking to myself that it's good to have you back here.'

He shuffled Jaime's sandy hair and laughed out loud.

"You know what we should do? Stop to grab something to eat...I just know the place."

They parked the car in front of a coffee shop that had a tall tree on it's entrance and somehow it reminded Jaime of a fairies house. Or what he imagined a fairy house would look like.

Wooden tables and chairs, the accentuated smell of coffee and the familiar sound of background playlist that plays in most coffee shops nowadays.

They sat in a table near the glass window and waited for the waiter. It was a small place with not many employees judging from the calm atmosphere.

A man in his late twenties appeared carrying the menu and he suddenly faltered when getting closer to their table. Jaime noticed that the man looked at him in a funny way, a ghost passing in front of his eyes.

"Can we order?" Tyrion interrupted the moment and the waiter went back to move his body. He handed the menus and without saying anything, went back to behind the counter where he disappeared through a door with a strange carving.

"Were we rude? That man was almost having a heart attack…"

"Nah, don't worry. It's just your imagination...he was normal."

They chose two macchiatos and waffles, because breakfast good was accepted at all times.

A redhead woman came running from outside and quickly stopped dead on her tracks when looking at their table. She gulped loudly and Jaime could notice the anger on her eyes, he looked at Tyrion and his brother seemed to be having fun. 

After a long time their food came and they eat, Tyrion oblivious to the stares they were receiving from the man and the redhead woman.

"Are you owing them money?'

"Keep eating."

His brother mumbled between chewing his waffle and drinking his drink.

Tyrion joked that it almost time for his beauty sleep, even though it was barely 5PM. But he went to his car leaving Jaime to pay.

Jaime went to the cashier and the redhead woman was throwing daggers with her eyes.

He handed his card to her, and when she reluctantly gave his card back she didn't let go of it when he grabbed the other end.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice was somehow familiar even if her whole being seemed new. Jaime's headache came back full force when he tried to think from where the voice was from. 

"You have no right to come back. She doesn't need you anymore."

What the hell was going on? Who she was talking about?

"I'm sorry I-what?" Jaime didn't know how to formulate any sentences. He pulled the card from her, making some force, and staggered back. Practically running from the place.

*****

Jaime had an awful night.

After they arrived at Tyrion's place, Jaime excused himself and took a long hot shower afterwards laying in bed waiting for the pain in his head to disappear and the darkness to take control. 

But when it came, only flashes of images and strange feelings inside of his head. He saw bright white lights and a yell from someone else. The sensation of being hugged but more out of desperation. He saw the two people from the coffee shop but they were laughing next to some other people. He woke up around 4AM drenched in sweat and with tears in his eyes.

While Tyrion was at work he decided to go to a park that was nearby, some people were jogging around the park and when he reached a shadow under a tree he decided to sit there and watch the few children and people playing around the lake.

There was this familiar man with a kid that he knew from college. He at least remember that time, even if college was a torture with all the assignments.

Jaime observed the man, trying to remember his name and after much consideration he decided it was Jon, Joe or Jo. Something with 'J'.

Lunch time was almost upon him when he stood up to go back his brother's house, but stopped when someone called his name.

He turned around to see the man from before approaching him with his kid.

"Jaime?"

"Hey...Jon, right?"

The man's eyes lit up with something similar to understanding. Which puzzled Jaime.

"I didn't know you were back."

"I arrived yesterday…" Jon completely forgot about the kid holding his hand and seemed fixed in Jaime. "This is your kid? Did you marry? I'm sorry if you told me already but my-I had a situation where my memory is all scrambled…" Jaime laughed without joy in it.

Jon smiled weakly, then turned to the kid.

"This is Jaime Lannister, Catelyn. Say 'hi'." The kid with place blond hair waved timidly and arched one of her little brows at Jaime. "I'm sorry, Jaime. I heard about your accident...I didn't know it had lasting injuries."

"Don't worry. I've learned to live with them. But how's your life? Your kid is lovely."

Something in Jon's eyes made Jaime look back the girl, and then suddenly Jon came closer and hugged Jaime letting go of Catelyn's little hand.

That action took Jaime out of his comfort zone and to be even more confusing. 

"Damn, Jaime. I- don't disappear like that."

"Disappear?" Jaime was now spinning inside his head.

"Brienne and everyone thought you died for some time, and later we thought you chose to get away." Jon picked the little girl from the ground and she yelled surprised. "Can you hold her for a moment? I need to make a call."

Jaime caught the kid and she stared at him with doubt and then she put her hands on each of his cheeks. For a moment he was panicked, he didn't know what was happening, he was overwhelmed by the kid and he hasn't a clue as to why. Her blue eyes were darker than he expected, but what was he expecting? 

"Hum...how old are you, Catelyn?" Jaime tried to avoid looking directly into her eyes.

"Five and a half! Mom says I can have a big birthday party this year...she told me we can do at the beach...and you?"

Jaime smiled.

"I'm almost 33. You dad is the same age…"

"My dad is dead." She said with so much naturally that Jaime though he didn't catch what she said. "Jon is mom's friend."

Something seemed to become solid in his chest, his breathing shallow and he out Catelyn down. She had her little hands grabbing his hand, she called his name while he heard Jon coming back. 

Someone was with him.

A tall, blond woman with the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. Her short pale hair was pushed back and her mouth was open as if she ran marathon and wanted to get more air. Catelyn stayed with him until she reached, and then the little girl went to the woman who caught her in her arms.

"Jaime?" The woman said his name calmly and suddenly his years seemed to bled with the yell coming from his nightmares.

*****

Murmurs could be heard around him. He tried to open his eyes when he senses someone holding his hand. But the pain and mixed images going through his kind were torturing his body. 

He went back to the deepest sleep of his life. And when he came back to the surface, there was the blond woman sitting in a chair next to his bed.

Tyrion's apartment was silent, and judging from the open windows it was nightfall. Jaime tried to sit up but the movement woke up the woman.

"Hey."

She mumbled and sit up straight.

"What happened? Who are you?"

He was tired or being the person who doesn't know anything.

"You had a panic attack and passed out...hum, I'm Brienne."

She smiled, tiredly and in a sad motion. He hated those eyes for looking at him with pity.

"Are you a doctor?"

"No, I'm a police officer. Jon called me to meet you guys at the park...it's been a long time."

"Sorry, I don't think we know each other. I know my memory is bad but...I wouldn't forget someone like you."

"What do you mean"

He looked down at their hands together.

"Someone that holds my hand as if had already done that."

She blinked a few times before showing tears on her eyes. His intention wasn't to make her cry, he wanted to understand.

"Jaime, I didn't know what happened. I thought you died and then you were back but your family...they disappeared with you. I couldn't go to you or search for you...I was in a fragile circumstance. And I was so angry with you. I thought you left willingly."

Jaime only understood one thing.

"We were involved...I don't remember."

"I know that." She reached for his cheek and rest her hand there, he breathed in her smell and deep down something stirred inside him. A recognition.

"I'm sorry." He said and then felt her leaning over him and touching their foreheads together. "I wish I remembered. You feel familiar but nothing...I'm sorry."

"That's quite alright. Do you wish to know anything more?"

"Is...Catelyn. Is she mine?"

No words were needed when she opened her eyes and saw that he already had tears rolling down his face. They stayed like that for minutes, until he drifted again back to a deep sleep and she went back to her house.

Leaving Jaime to be taken care by his brother until he was ready to face her and his lost memories.

*****

“You knew!” Jaime screamed at Tyrion in the morning.

Tyrion put his mug back on the table and turned with a smug face, and that only pissed Jaime vene more.

“Of course I knew, But you wouldn’t believe me if I had told you...So, that’s why I wanted you to come.”  
“Tyrion, I have a daughter. Why you didn’t bring me before? Why make me lose so many years that I could be with my daughter and Brienne.” Jaime sat next to Tyrion, placing his forehead on the surface of the table. “Father knew?”

Jaime felt Tyrion holding his shoulder, then sighing.

“Yes. I don’t know how much he knows but he knew about your relationship with Brienne, he didn’t approve. She was a police officer and you two met when she was investigating some foul business our father was part of…” Jaime looked at him, curiosity flaring up. “It was a interesting relationship you had. Brienne tamed the arrogant bastard you pretended to be, and I hate to say this Jaime….But she made your true self show, and father didn’t like that.”

“Why? I wouldn’t betray father or our family.”

“Oh Jaime...but you would do what is the right thing.”

Something passed through his mind. His father yelling at him while Jaime himself yelled back. He doesn’t remember the words that were being said but he remembered getting out of his father’s house and wanting to see Brienne. She was at work, so he ran to the police station, he ran without looking around and when he reached the other side of her work, he could see her. She was talking with the redhead girl and when Brienne noticed him, he went to cross the street. But couldn’t reach the other side. Brienned screamed his name with utter terror and then Jaime went back to the present, with a ringing in his ears.

“Jaime?”

“I’m...what exactly happened? I mean, on my accident.”

Tyrion for the first time looked at Jaime with hurt, he hugged his brother and kissed the side of Jaime’s head.

“You should talk to Brienne.”

“Can you take me to her?”

Tyrion nods, and after some minutes they were driving to Brienne’s house. Jaime noticed that she lived in a quiet street, in the more residential area of the city. Street filled with trees, and brick style houses.

The car stopped in front of a two story house, with white picket fence and a wooden door. The lights were on judging from the silhouette you could see through the curtains. Jaime went alone to the front steps of the house, something tugging inside his chest once again, the familiarity now understood.

Brienne opened the door, probably having seen the car from the window. She greeted Jaime with her awkward smile, full of teeth, it should not be adorable but something made him feel happy when seeing it. Seeing her was like a breath of fresh air.

They didn’t say anything, but Jaime noticed her getting out of his way for him to enter the house. He observed the hall, pictures of Brienne with Catelyn, Jon with the redhead girl carrying Catelyn, even a picture of Brienne piggy backing Catelyn while the kid did a scary face.

Seeing the pictures made Jaime notice how much Catelyn reminds him of himself, and at the same time she had the same air as Brienne. The perfect mixture of Jaime and Brienne. He wanted to badly to get to know his daughter, but he feared that maybe Brienne wound’ allow that.

“Catelyn is sleeping, but if you want you can go see her…”

“That’s alright. I can see her when she is awake. I actually wanted to talk to you.”

Brienne went to the living room, Jaime followed her having the strange deja vu sensation. He must have been here quite a lot back in the day.

“I wanted to ask about the accident, about what happened…”

“Oh.” Brienne sat on the couch. Jaime preferred to stay standing up. His nerves were agitated and he couldn’t stay quiet.

She smiled at him.

“We weren’t together for a long time, I think we started something more serious two months before the accident. You were quite hard to get, Jaime Lannister.”

“You mean we had sex for the first time only two months before? What was wrong with me? I know you said I was hard to get but...I’m not actually.”

“You are still the same.” She laughed. “I think it was a mutual hard to get situation. You didn’t want anything with me because of your father and my investigation. And I didn’t want anything with you because you were, well, irritating.”

Brienne blushed, a little embarrassed to have said that so bluntly.

“I am indeed.”

Jaime went to sit next to her on the couch, reaching for her hands that seemed to have a calming effect on him that it must be because of their romantic connection from before.

She didn’t flinch away.

“We had an amazing time together, Jaime. Even if brief.” She looked away for a moment. “I was so angry with you after the accident, because I thought you had go away willingly. But...Jon called yesterday and I then understood things completely.”

“Wait, but I thought Tyrion had said something to you during the years…”

“We avoided each other. I thought you asked for him to that way, but you had no clue.”

Jaime was angry with the situation. With his father. With not being able to be there with Brienne through the pregnancy. He didn’t watch his daughter’s first steps or played in the pool with her during the summer. Jaime lost the chance of being there in the beginning but he was going to do anything he could do to be around.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this little fic. I had so many emotions while writing and somehow I teared up? (blame the love I have for this two characters)

"Mom says you are my dad."

Catelyn big ocean eyes stared accusatory at him while they sat under a tree at the park. Jon was coming later with his sister and Podrick, some people that Jaime wasn't so familiar yet.

"Hum, yes." He honestly didn't know how to proceed so he looked at Brienne panicking.

"Cate, remember I told you that dad hit his head so he doesn't remember things? But now he is here."

"So...now you remember?" She continued the interrogation, for her age she was very eloquent.

Jaime was kind of proud.

"Some of it." Brienne smiled encouraging him to continue. "Do you go to school?"

"Yes, but it's summer now…" She seemed to ponder. "Uncle Jon takes me to school everyday and mom picks me up. But now you can go with me, right?"

"Yes, everyday."

"You look like a prince. Uncle Jon looks like a bear." She giggled with the thought and Jaime smiled. "Mom looks like a princess, and Sansa like a queen!"

She went on about the stories that Sansa tells her and how she adores Sansa and how she is her favorite person in the world.

"Mom and you are most favorite! Don't be jealous mom…" Catelyn went to hug Brienne and then she went to Jaime. Giving him the sweetest hug he ever received. And when Catelyn went away to play on the swings near them, Brienne placed her hand over his resting on the ground. Noticing only then that he had some tears in his eyes.

“She’s sweet.”

“She’s perfect.”

Jaime went aghast for a moment, then staring at the little girl sitting on the blue swing with an enormous smile. And then Catelyn said something to the little boy who was trying to sit on the yellow swing, something on the little boy’s face made her laugh and Jaime smiled.

“Yes, she is perfect.”

Brienne went closer to him. Touching the sides of their bodies while they both watched their child playing on the playground with another kid, Jaime thinking about all the time he lost on this life that seemed so bright.

His head automatically rested on her shoulder, sighing in relief when she didn't pull away.

The thing is. Whatever his head thought it knew, it wasn’t the reality. It wasn’t the truth. Because even if he never remembers Brienne, or his life with her then, he was surely remember this feeling of happiness growing each second inside his heart.

Going back to this place turned out to be a blessing, he knew that his father would be livid with him and that his sister would hate him forever. But even without his memories, he would throw away everything for the little girl in the swings and the woman next to him.

Jaime for the first time in many years thought about what he wants.

And he wants this.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” He asked before he could stop himself.

Brienne rested her head on his shoulders, she never shied away from being close to him even if they were almost strangers.

“Yes, and how about I make something and you come to my house...let’s say around 8?”

Jaime nodded.

They spend the rest of the day walking around the park, watching Catelyn play around and feed the ducks. Jaime found a peace he had long forgotten.

Tyrion picked him up at the park, Jaime saying his goodbyes to both Catelyn and Brienne, who unceremoniously kissed him on the lips briefly. Which surprised him and Tyrion mocked his silly smile all the way to his house.

“This! I’ve missed this dorkish smile of yours, brother!” Tyrion yelled when they were driving through the roads of Kings Landing. “Are you getting laid tonight or what?”

“Don’t be stupid, Tyrion...I don’t know Brienne.”  
They parked in front of Tyrion’s house, then receiving a look from his younger brother that he wasn’t sure what it meant.

“You have a kid.”  
“Yes.”

“And I know you like her.”

“Of course, she seems…” Jaime trailed off not so sure how to end the sentence, he didn't know what he felt for this woman that somehow got his heart once upon a time, but he strongly thought of her as being beautiful and there was a hint of familiarity every time he looked at her. The kiss she gave him as he was saying his goodbyes didn’t jolt any memories. Apparently, his memory loss wasn’t like the ones you see in movies.

Tyrion made fun a little of Jaime having a ‘crush’ which is so not the case, but when he thinks about the so many answers he wants to give his brother it all sounds something a teen would say when trying to deny something that it’s obviously true.

He’s too old to be annoyed by his brother’s pestering.

“I’m not saying you love her, but you do, you know?” Tyrion said sitting on the guest room’s bed while Jaime tries to find a more formal shirt to use on his date. “I know you don’t remember and bla bla bla, but Jaime...during the little time you were together, you were truly happy. That kind of love doesn’t disappear only because your memories are not there…”

“You’re awfully sentimental today.” Jaime changed his shirt and chose a navy one, with long sleeves because he feared the weather would change drastically at night. “Brienne...I don’t know, somehow I know I could love her. It’s hard to explain what I’m feeling, but it’s not strange being around her or the idea of her. It’s like coming home after some time away.”

“And the sentimental one is me…” Tyrion throws a pillow at Jaime.

Going back to getting ready, Jaime shaves the five o’clock beard that was beginning to grow more than that and put some perfume just to try and be less nervous. Somehow the nice scent made him less nervous about his date, with the mother of his daughter, with the woman he loved in the past.

How he was not sweating he couldn’t know. His heart was beating louder and faster than ever, suddenly he was unable to breathe. Unable to move, and grabbing the edge of the sink and concentrate on breathing. Counting until ten and paying attention to each number passing through his mind.

The time ticked by, he wasn’t sure how long it has passed when Tyrion came to the bathroom saying they should go if Jaime doesn’t want to be late to his date. His younger brother was going to give him a ride.

“Are you alright?” Tyrion asked after long minutes of silence.

Jaime had entered the car just focusing on walking and breathing, getting calmer and almost back to normal by the time his brother spoke.

“I guess I’m nervous.”

“Jaime…”

“I know. I’m being ridiculous.”

When Tyrion parked in front of Brienne’s house, the night sky shone with something remarkable, the promise that everything was going to be alright now. That Jaime’s father won’t interfere again, that his sister wouldn’t make emotional manipulation on him anymore. Because even though he didn’t remember what happened, he would remember the things that would happen now.

“Be happy, Jaime.”

Jaime did something he wasn’t used to do, he hugged his brother.

When he saw Tyrion’s car turn the street corner, he walked to the porch and knocked on the door, already hearing footsteps approaching on the other side. Feeling self conscious of the way he was standing, he moved his weight from foot to foot and tried his best smile.

Brienne’s expression showed to him how happy she was of him being there. Her freckles were evident more now than before, maybe because of the sun they got during the day. She leaned over him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, a peck, to show how welcome he was indeed.

“Catelyn is with Jon...I thought it was best to have some adult time without a kid screaming on the background.” She said after watching jaime get rid of his jacket. “Don’t get me wrong, our daughter is perfect but she is a kid. Lots of energy.”

‘Our daughter’ she said. And Jaime’s heart broke down, that much love and he forgotten everything. He would never get the chance to see his daughter on her early days and see her first steps, but helding Brienne’s hand made the pain lessen.

“Brienne?” Jaime said, and Brienne stepped up closer with his head on the level of her jaw. “Can I stay forever?”

Her arms went around him, after hearing the distress on his request. Her hold was tight around his body, and he pressed his face on the crook of her neck, regaling on the smell of her skin. Receiving her warmth and realizing he has been cold for a long time.

“Yes, Jaime. You can stay forever.”

Even though many things were yet to be said, and that many dates would still need to happen before things were more solid. Jaime knew when she said those words, that everything was going to be ok. That his future looked brighter than his present, and than his past.


End file.
